A Thousand Miles
by Itsuhime
Summary: AU. Separated a thousand miles from each other. Lovino learns to move on from his past, as Antonio struggles to remember his.
1. Chapter 1

Dear Mister Vargas,

We are sorry to inform you that Mister Antonio Fernandez Carriedo has been declared missing in action and presumed dead. He was part of Troop 7, who was out on a scouting mission when their ship was attacked at sea. All but one of the soldiers' bodies of Troop 7 were found dead with gunshot wounds. Mister Carriedo and two others' bodies have not yet been found, but they are most likely dead.

We are sorry for your lost.

- XXXX XXX  
XXXXXXXXXX

The letter fell to the ground from Lovino's hand. His hands moved to cover his mouth, as tears rolled down his eyes. "No… no, no!" Lovino shouted, "This couldn't...Antonio—that bastard—he...he can't die. We were going to-" Choked sobs escaped the Italian as he collapsed down to the floor. His body shook as he tried to halt his cries, but tears started to flow even faster down his cheeks.

His thoughts were a mess of jumbled-up things. So the only thing he could do was let all his pain out.

…

_"Tell me again—why did you join the military?" Lovino scoffed as Antonio packed his bags. Lovino leaned against the wooden frame of the door as he awaited his answer. Antonio had his usual smile plastered on his face as he grabbed some clothes and other necessities from around the room and placed them in his bag. Lovino continued on staring at Antonio, blushing as thoughts of him and the man clogged his thoughts._

_Finally, Antonio answered, "People are in trouble out there, Lovi. I must help them." Antonio smiled at Lovino but continued rushing around the room._

_"Yeah? By getting yourself killed?" Antonio stopped right in his track, and turned to face Lovino, the smile still on his face._

_"Oh, Lovino," he hummed, running his hand through Lovino's hair and gently placing a kiss atop his forehead. "Do not worry, Lovi. I don't plan on getting killed. I'll make sure that I come home…" He trailed his hands down to Lovino's hand as the rings that looped their fingers clanged against each other. "... in time for Christmas; our wedding," Antonio whispered, leaning into Lovino. Antonio smiled even wider as Lovino began to blush furiously._

_"Sappy bastard," Lovino muttered, pushing the older man away as he left the room._

_Sunlight poured in through the windows upon a sleeping Italian. Lovino tried to block the sun from his eyes and turned to face the other side of the bed, expecting to wrap his arms around warmth, but all he felt was the coldness of the empty spot._

_Weird… he thought. Antonio's usually-_

_Then it hit him._

_Lovino quickly pulled himself up and gazed at the clock, whose bright red numbers read 10:46. "Shit! Antonio already left!" Lovino grumbled. "Couldn't even wait to say good bye." Lovino continued to spit curses as he rushed to get ready. He still had time. Maybe he'd get there in time._

_Lovino quickly got himself ready and ran towards his car._

…

[?]

Something hurts…

I felt around till I found the source of the aching pain. I could feel bandages wrapped around tightly, attempting to ease the pain.

I slowly opened my eyes and the first thing I saw was my whole leg bandaged up like a mummy. My eyes peeled opened in shock, and I tried to move, but a jolt of pain prevented me from doing so. I managed to calm down and analysed the scene.

I was laying on a bed in a nice cozy looking room. There was a fire nearby, and there were red patches on the bandages from where blood had somehow managed to seep through. I covered my mouth in disgust. What happened?

I dug through my memories looking or a clue.

Let's see: I was with some formal looking guys. We were suppose to go spy on something, but we were ambushed. Everything was fuzzy after that.

Frustrated with not getting any answers, I tried digging even deeper into my memories, hoping for a clue. But a pain ripped through my head as I tried to search through my memories. I clutched my head in agony as I let out an anguished yell. What happened? Why can't I remember anything from before the ambush? I looked around in a panic. Where was I? How did I escape the ambush? What time is it? Who am I?

…

"Please, Lovino! Open up! It's been days!" Matthew banged on Lovino's bedroom door. "You're going to starve yourself in there!" Silence. "Lovino, please," Matthew sighed.

What could get Lovino out of his room? Matthew pondered for a moment. "An-" Matthew couldn't. Lovino had been depressed for days since the news of Antonio's death. He wouldn't want to be reminded, would he?

Matthew banged a couple more times on the door, but still silence. Matthew felt his face heat up and blood rush through him. "Lovino, open this door now!" he yelled. Lovino still didn't answer. His eyebrows furled.

"Stop drowning yourself in self pity! You aren't the only one who lost someone! How did you think I felt when I received news of Gilbert's death?" Matthew was now huffing. Tears started to form in his eyes. "Please, Lovino. You have to be strong. F-for Antonio. I have to be strong t-too." Silent tears were now trailing down all over his face. Matthew tried to rub them away, but they kept streaming down his face.

"Antonio and Gilbert are watching over us. So please. Please come out." Matthew waited for Lovino's answer. It was only a couple of seconds till the sound of footsteps approaching the door and a door unlocking resounded. The two men stood face to face, looking at each other. Lovino's eyes were all red and swollen, his clothes were a complete mess, and he reeked of alcohol, but still Matthew smiled at his friend.

"Thank you, Lovino." Lovino looked ashamed and turned away from Matthew. Matthew sighed, "Come on, lets eat."

…

_Once I get to the airport, that bastard is going to get it! Lovino cursed to himself._

_Lovino sped through the streets to get to the airport. Angry honks and yells surrounded him, but he couldn't care less. He was pretty sure that if a police car had been anywhere nearby at the time, he would've been pulled over._

_After just under five minutes, he finally managed to get to the airport. Lovino ran inside in a daze, searching every inch inch of the airport, desperately looking for Antonio. He couldn't have left yet! Please…. please… Lovino pleaded._

_"Lovino?"_

_Lovino stopped in his tracks. Was that? He turned to face the voice, "Antonio, you-"_

_"Hi, Lovino." It was Matthew. Lovino felt his smile wither down._

_"Oh...Matthew. C-ciao." His gaze drifted from Matthew and began to scan the airport. People were buzzing about in a rush to find their flight or luggage. How could he find Antonio in this maze?_

_"He's not here. The flight is about to depart," Matthew informed him. The Canadian looked at Lovino puzzled, "Didn't you know?"_

_"Where's the terminal!" Lovino yelled without hesitation. Matthew looked at him surprised and hastily pointed his finger in said direction._

_"Thanks!" Lovino yelled as he took off._

_Lovino saw the terminal and ran to get in, but an attendant stopped him in his tracks. "Sir, the flight is about to leave." Lovino gritted his teeth. The Italian then quickly ran to the viewing deck. He ran as every part of his body grew sore and quickly pushed the doors wide open and ran to the fence. His hands grabbed onto the fence as the plane took off._

_"Antonio!"_

…

[?]

"Thank you Mister…?"

"It's Oxenstierna. But you can call me Tino! Oh, and this is my husband, Berwald," Tino said while gesturing to the tall, intimidating man sitting beside him.

I 'ah-ed' in understanding.

"We still haven't got your name yet." Tino informed. I tried to dig through my memories again, but nothing came through. "I'm sorry, I can't seem to remember."

I took a light sip of the drink that sat in front of me. It was warm and tasted a bit like coffee, "I'm very grateful for what you did. But I must ask… How did you find me?" Tino nodded at me.

"Berwald and I were on a cruise with our son when we spotted you drifting on a raft. We quickly got you aboard the ship when we realized you were very badly injured. Then, with a little persuasion, we managed to be in charge of taking care of you." Tino nodded happily with his answer, but a questioning look quickly grew on his face, "Why were you hurt, may I ask?"

I started to speak but the words got caught in my throat. How did I get hurt?

"I-I don't know," I sighed. Tino just shrugged it off but Berwald gave me a weird look.

"Y'u must'f b'en part of the m'rines," Berwald finally spoke.

"Marines?" I gave him a questionable look.

"Y'p. Y'u w're wearing the un'form." He pointed to a uniform that hung on a line outside. I nodded, understanding where he might of drawn the conclusion from.

"Maybe I was…"

Tino pouted, "No use getting all gloomy over the past! Oh that reminds me!" Tino quickly pushed his chair to the ground and ran out of the room. A moment later he returned. "This is yours." He held out his hand towards me and opened his fingers to reveal a shining silver ring. "When we found you, you were holding on tightly to this."

I carefully picked up the ring from Tino's palm, scared that I would break it. I examined the ring closely. It was a simple silver ring, but engraved on the inside were the names: "Lovino and Antonio."

"Lo… vino? And… Antonio?" I mumbled.

…

The sky was a pastel grey. Raindrops fell from above as if the sky, too, were crying. It had been two hours since the ceremony. The cemetery was empty except for Lovino, left unmoving standing in front of Antonio's grave. It's funny, Lovino thought, Antonio has a grave even though they still haven't found his body. Lovino laughed.

The rain had soaked through his shirt. Lovino let out a cold shiver. What could he do? Lovino had cried all the tears he could ever have. He tried begging to God as if he were there. He tried everything. Just to get Antonio back.

"Lovino, it's time to go." Lovino turned to face a solemn looking Matthew who was holding an umbrella. Through Matthew's facade Lovino could tell from his swollen eyes that he'd been crying too.

He's trying to be strong, Lovino acknowledged.

He took one last glance at Antonio's grave and placed down the single red carnation, that he held in his hand, upon the smooth slab of stone. Lovino turned to go with Matthew, but his feet felt like they were frozen down. He let out a muffled cry and tried to walk, but something in him wanted to stay. Wanted to stay with Antonio. Matthew saw Lovino's trouble and walked over to him, covering him with his umbrella and patting Lovino's back.

"Why, Matthew? Why did they have to leave?" Matthew looked at Lovino in shock, and a single tear slowly rolled down his cheek. He looked like he wanted to say something, but only silence came out.

…

_"Je t'aime."_

_"Ze-ty-meh?" Matthew chuckled at Gilbert's attempt at saying it._

_"Non, je t'aime," Matthew said even more slowly. Gilbert twisted his mouth about trying to say the words, which Matthew could only laugh at._

_"Hey! Not awesome! How about you try it? Ich. Liebe. Dich."_

_"Ish…" Matthew paused to think of what to say, "live-dish?" Gilbert was desperately trying to hold back a laugh so hard that his face was turning blue. The two of them both stared at each other before they both broke out laughing._

_"Man, I love you, birdy! I mean… Ze-time-eh?" They both laughed even more._

_"Ish-leave-disk, too, Gilbert." Matthew and Gilbert huddled closely together and fell back onto Gilbert's couch. Gilbert wrapped his arms around Matthew as the latter nuzzled into his warmth._

_"I'm sorry about going away," Gilbert spoke softly. "Someone has to look after that idiot Toni, you know?"_

_"I know Gil." Matthew closed his eyes and breathed in Gilbert's scent. "Hey, Gil. You know I was thinking. When you get back, maybe you want to…" Matthew's face heated up. "Maybe you want to take things… further?" Gilbert's arms unwrapped from Matthew's shoulder._

_Gilbert looked at Matthew with a funny look. "Take things further? Like as in- in-" His face was beginning to beam bright red._

_"Y-yeah. Like g-getting-"_

_"Married?" they both said in unison. They stared at each other with bright red faces, though Gilbert's wasn't quite yet as red as Matthew's. Silence filled the room as they continued to stare at each other._

_"That's awesome, Mattie!" Gilbert suddenly yelled, launching himself onto Matthew and sending them down to the ground with a thud. "Let's make it the first thing we do when I get back!"_

_"Sure, Gilbert. I'll wait forever for you."_

…

[?]

It was frustrating to say the least. Everytime I tried to remember my past my head would ache like a pounding hammer.

It's weeks since the day I woke up. The Oxenstierna family allowed me to stay until I felt like leaving, of course I tried to protest, but they encouraged me to stay.

The Oxenstierna family was quite generous and rich, letting a total stranger come to live with them. Especially Tino. He almost acts like a mother, waiting on me every hour of the day. Berwald is quite intimidating, until you get use to him. He's actually quite a nice and funny guy. And lastly there's Peter, their son. He's quite the talkative fellow and always asking me questions. And in return for my answers, he tells me all about himself and his family. From what I know, the Oxenstiernas lived on a private island, which I'm currently staying on. Tino and Berwald adopted two sons, which were Peter and his brother, Arthur, who went off to college. Peter doesn't go to school, but is homeschooled. He tells me that he's actually quite lonely staying by himself on the island all day, and that I was the first outsider he has met. I felt myself pitying Peter, so I let him hang around me as we explored their estate.

"Hey! Antonio! Look at this!" After seeing the ring, Tino and everyone else decided to call me Antonio since he thought it sounded better on me than "Lovino," until I recovered my memories. I walked over to see what Peter was yelling about.

"Look-y!" Peter exclaimed, pointing at a shiny object. "What do you think it is?" My eyes squinted onto said object and picked it up to examine it closer. It was a simple heart locket. I pried the locket open, and inside held a slightly faded photo. I tried to make out what the picture was of; it was a white haired man next to a golden haired man, the white haired man had his arms around the golden haired man as they both smiled towards the camera. "What's inside?" Peter said as he struggled onto my shoulders to get a better look.

"Just a photo of a couple," I said nonchalantly with a smile. "Here you can hold on to it." I handed him the locket as he took it with a swipe and began to goggle at it.

"Who do you think the photo's of?" Peter questioned me.

"I don't know. But they must of been very in love," I hummed. It be great if I had a love. I wonder if in my past I had a love? Was I married? I started to think. I was holding on tightly to the ring when they found me, so it must of been mine. I sighed. I hope my memories come back soon.

…

The ride to work was for the most part, okay for Lovino. He hadn't been to work in almost two months. Matthew told his boss all about what happened, and his boss seemed pretty understanding about it.

"Lovino! Is that you?" Lovino looked up to see a familiar, cheery blonde; Bella, a coworker of his.

"Ciao," Lovino said, giving her a meek smile. She walked over to him and sat herself down on the seat beside him.

"I heard about what happened," Bella began, placing her hand on his shoulder, "I'm sorry for your loss." She moved in to hug Lovino as he awkwardly placed his arms around her in return.

"It's okay; I'm okay." Lovino said. She didn't seem to buy it and wrapped herself around him even tighter. "Bella, really, I'm fine," she slowly eased herself away, "it's been a month since… that day." Lovino felt his throat tighten.

Bella sighed and sat back in her seat. "Lovino. I know what it's like to lose someone." She started to twiddle with her necklace. "I've miss my brother every day," her smile faded, "I thought maybe one day I'd meet him again, but that day never came." She finished and let out a laugh, "But that's all in the past."

"Next station, Nanaimo Station," a voice on the intercom spoke.

"Looks like it's our stop." Bella stood up and grabbed Lovino's hand, pulling him to the doors. "Let's work hard today!"

…

Francis calmly placed a steaming mug of coffee down in front of Matthew. Francis moved to sit himself right next to Matthew. Matthew placed his cold hands around the warmth of the mug. His eyes drifted around Francis's kitchen, photos of him, his daughter, and a woman who meant the world to him hung all around.

"How…" Matthew began. Francis looked at Matthew with curious eyes, "How did she die?"

Francis was taken back by the question but calmly answered, "She died during childbirth." Matthew's mouth made an 'o' shape, and he began to sip his coffee.

"Does Michelle miss her?"

"How could she miss something she never had?" Francis laughed a fake laugh, but his expression quickly changed, "she does wonder why she doesn't have a mother. Every night she asks me 'where is my mother?' Where did she go?'" He sighed. "The best I could tell her was that her mother became the moon and watches over us every day. She's always staying up looking at the moon and talking to it. Sometimes I wonder if Jeanne really is looking down on us." Francis looked out to the night sky.

"I'm sure she is."

"Gilbert must be looking down on you too." Matthew nodded. Francis gave me a slight smile, "You're strong, Mathieu. After Jeanne's death, I was a wreck. I resorted to drinking and one night stands to fill the emptiness in my heart. I even tried to give Michelle away. But in the end, I came to my senses."

"I have to be strong, Francis, after all, if i'm not, who would look after Lovino? He's the one who really needs the support right now," Matthew paused, "it's almost Christmas, right?" Francis nodded in understanding.

…

_…Sorry, the number you have dialed is unavailable at the moment. Please hang up and call again...Sorry, the number you have dialed is unavailable at the moment. Please hang up and call again…_

_The phone slowly fell from the grip of Lovino's hands and hit the ground. It had been months since Antonio left, and not once has Lovino gotten into contact with him. What is he doing? Lovino thought. He bent to pick up the phone and set it back into its holder._

_Feliciano stood at the doorway looking at his brother, who was unaware. He couldn't bear to tell his brother the news; he too was going to join the army. Though Feliciano might be weak, and scared easily, he needed to do this. He needed to find who he was. What his purpose was._

_He lived with his grandfather his whole life, and he learned to paint and draw. He was skilled at both, but he didn't feel the drive for it. He wanted to do something more in his life. Something worth living for. So he decided that maybe fighting for something was a good place to start._

_Feliciano sighed and walked away._

_Lovino stood staring at the silent phone, unable to will himself to move. It was pointless trying to contact Antonio. Everytime he tried, Antonio would never reply. But still, everyday he called in hopes that maybe, Antonio will pick up, or even maybe, call himself._

_Antonio was always there for him. Always there when he needed him most. Lovino grew up living in the shadow of his brother. His grandfather would always praise him and pay more attention to his little brother, while he was left forgotten on the side. One day, Lovino finally cracked and ran away from home. He got himself to the roof of a skyscraper and prepared himself to die._

_And that was when he met Antonio. Antonio was apparently the son of the chief of police (the skyscraper Lovino was currently on was the police department), and Antonio so happened to be on the roof during Lovino's life or death choice and managed to stop him. They didn't question each other—why are you on the roof? Why are you trying to kill yourself? They just clung on to each other and cried their tears until the sun peaked over the horizon. After that, they became friends, and from there, their love grew._

_"He was always there for me," Lovino mumbled to himself and left the room._

…

Matthew stood, leaning against the wall of an old coffee shop. He had been standing there for minutes waiting for Lovino.

I hope he doesn't bail out, Matthew worried. It had been 8 months since Antonio's death, and Matthew decided that it was time for Lovino to move on. So he had setted up a blind date for him.

Matthew peeked in through the window of the coffee shop and spotted a certain curly blond woman, sitting lonely by herself. The woman occasionally looked at her watch and around the shop. Matthew sighed, and continued on standing by the coffee shop. Not a few seconds later, Lovino came running up to Matthew. "Sorry, Mattie. I was caught up with something… So what was it that you wanted to tell me?"

"No time for questions Lovino! Here," Matthew handed Lovino a single red rose and rushed him inside the coffee shop, "good luck," Matthew said with a wink. And with that, Matthew took off on his way and left a confused Lovino standing in the middle of a coffee shop. Before Lovino could get anymore confused, a gentle tap on his back got his full attention.

"Hey! You must be-" Lovino turned around, "Lovino?"

"Bella?"

"What are you doing here?" they both said in confusion.

"Well, I'm on a blind date, with Mr. Red Rose…" Bella trailed off as her eyes landed on the single red rose in Lovino's hand. "You're my blind date?" Something caught in Lovino's throat. What did Matthew do?

Lovino mumbled some curses, "I guess I am."

Bella's cat smile grew wider. "Well since we're on a date, might as well make the best of it!" Her hand clasped onto Lovino's hand, her fingers feeling the coldness of the silver ring on Lovino's finger. Her smile faltered, "Oh, um.." She let go of his hand.

Lovino noticed her uneasiness, "Yeah, I-" Lovino paused, hesitantly reaching towards his ring, "I should take this off."

Bella didn't say anything as Lovino carefully pulled off the ring and placed it in his coat pocket.

* * *

Author Note: Everything has a purpose, and everything will be explained. This fic is focused on Spamano (and a bit of PruCan), so the other fics will explain the other characters ^^ This is part of my own AU, btw :) Anyways, I'm a very slow updater, so until next time! [Thanks to my amazing beta reader: xXSapphireDawnXx]


	2. Chapter 2

It had been nearly a year since the day the Oxenstiernas found me. As repayment for helping me, I started working as a butler for them.

Currently, I was in the local town, shopping for groceries for their Christmas dinner. I had just finished up my rounds and was beginning to head back. I walked down the dusty, stone path towards the dock. Up in front of me, I saw a man. He was a fairly tall man with spiky, blond hair, turning his head about, as if he were lost.

I carefully approached the man and called out to him, "Hey!" The man turned around. Seeing me, he dropped the bags he held in his hands and dashed towards me, straddling me into a hug.

"Antonio! Man! You're alive!" the man practically yelled. "I thought you were dead at the bottom at the ocean! How've you been? What happened? How did you get here?" The man rambled on and on with questions. My head was spinning from the overloading confusion. "Did you get your head checked out? Where do you live? How's Lovino?" Lovino... That name! _The ring!_

"You know Lovino!?" The man looked at me with the most confused look.

"Antonio? You know," his eyes narrowed at me, "your fiancé?" The world froze and those words echoed._ My fiancé?_

_..._

"It's so nice to see a new face!" Tino piped as he set plates down around the table. I sat awkwardly beside Mathias, the man I met earlier. Apparently, he and Berwald knew each other beforehand, and were now glaring daggers at each other from across the table.

Tino noticed the tension building in the room and quickly tried to start a conversation, only to fail as Mathias answered passive aggressively and Berwald giving a spiteful comment, which ended up in another fight.

Questions were building up in me. How did Mathias know me? Who's Lovino? Who was I? Curiosity was boiling over in me and I coughed to get Mathias's attention. The fighting quickly stopped, "Hey, buddy! What's it ya' want?"

"I- who am I? What happened to me?" Mathias's normally happy face faltered a bit.

"Oh, yeah. Yeah. How should I tell you?" Mathias looked around. "Well, first of all, you're Antonio. I'm a friend of yours. We were in the same troop in the marines. We- we were spying on a ship, and they ambushed us and-" Suddenly, a piercing pain struck my head. It felt like I was being burned alive. Through the pain that struck me, I felt something weird. These things—thoughts, memories—were coming back to me.

_"Quick! We're being ambushed!" a white haired man yelled. Rain poured down as fast as lightning, wind blew through every nook and cranny, and fog blurred our vision. The ship swayed from side to side as gun shots filled the air. Crimson blood stained the floor._

_I ran to the side, cocked my gun and shot in front of me. "We're outnumbered!" I yelled._

_"Retreat!" someone else shrieked. I quickly ran to the side of the ship and dove straight into the icy cold water. Something pierced through my leg. I let out a shriek, letting out bubbles of air float out. Another thing pierced me, and a sharp jolt ran through my head and down my body. Everything went silent as I floated in the midst of water. This was it, I thought, I'm going to die. But I promised Lovino. We were going to get married._

_I took one last glance at my hand, the ring still intact. I pulled it off and held on tightly to it as the world went black._

Was that—?

Mathias saw my shocked expression, "Looks like you remember. Yeah. Me, Alfred, and Gilbert were afloat on a raft after we dove in the ocean, we saw you and quickly pulled you up. We were stranded on that raft. You were passed out for weeks. Eventually a freak wave came and separated us. I thought you were dead." Mathias was now in tears. I was still stunned. Wha-? What is happening? I need to know more!

"Who's Lovino?"

"Lovino. He's your fiancé. Wait, I should really be asking you some questions; what happened to you after we separated?"

"Well, from what I know, the Oxenstiernas rescued me and brought me here. And ever since I worked here as a butler."

"What about Lovino?" Mathias said almost pleading.

"I—I...I still don't remember him…" Mathias bowed his head.

"Oh," was all he said.

The rest of the dinner was eaten in silence.

…

Lovino fiddled with his tie, trying to get it as perfect as possible.

He wore a simple Italian tuxedo with matching pants and shoes. It was plain black, yet accented with hints of white.

He toyed with his tie for a while without success. Lovino sighed and quickly threw off the tie. He hasn't been this nervous for a date since… Antonio.

He walked over to his dresser and pulled out a draw. Lovino reached over to grab another tie, but his hand landed on a simple red box. He hesitantly grabbed the box and opened it. Inside was the ring Antonio had given him. He hadn't worn the ring in a while.

His thoughts slowly drifted to memories of Antonio. Lovino's thoughts gave him such a nostalgic feeling. It felt like it had been a thousand years since he and Antonio spent every waking day with each other.

He shook the thought out of his head; he had to move on. Lovino slammed the box, threw it back to where it was, and grabbed a tie. He quickly tied it around his neck and made his way out of the house.

The crisp December air filled Lovino's lungs. It was a cold winter day, the sun just hidden in the sky, and snow slowly beginning to fall. A cloud of condensation escaped the Italian's mouth, and he shivered as a blast of cold air blew by. Lovino passed by a small flower shop and spotted a bouquet of multicolored tulips.

"I'll take these, Miss!" Lovino hollered. A young woman came towards him. "Thank you, sir. Is that for a special someone?" She smiled. Lovino blushed and quickly handed her cash and went on his way.

Bella stood in the midst of buzzling people, her hands hidden in her woven gloves and a shawl to keep her warm. "Bella!" Lovino ran towards her. He huffed from running and handed her the bouquet of tulips. "Here, these are for you," Lovino said between short breaths. She carefully grabbed the bouquet from Lovino's hand and nuzzled her nose into it to smell the scents that reminded her of her home.

"Thank you so much, Lovi!" She closed her eyes to savor the sweet smell. Oh, how she missed this scent. This scent that brought back many memories. Memories she wanted to forget, yet at the same time remember forever.

"Let's get going, shall we?" She beamed at Lovino. They grabbed each other's hand and walked off together.

Lovino's red face made Bella smile. The thing she loved most about Lovino was the tiny smiles that appeared so rarely. They held so much emotion through such a tiny action. She closed her eyes, it felt like a dream to be with him.

Lovino took a glance at Bella, who appeared as if she was in deep thought. His smile grew a bit wider. She was so beautiful. Every little thing she did, made him feel something he hadn't felt in such a long time. She was bubbly and cheerful; she was everything he loved in one. She reminded him so much of someone he used to know, but in that moment, he couldn't remember who it was.

"You know, there's a reason why the Italian word for beautiful is _bella_," Lovino stated cleverly. Bella giggled at Lovino's corny remark.

"And I'll be only one Italian's Bella," she replied flirtatiously. A waiter walked by and sat their plates down in front of them.

"Lovino," Bella fiddled with her napkin, "do you think I could move in with you? You live in that huge house all by yourself, and we have been dating for a year... Maybe we should take things a little further?"

Lovino didn't hesitate a moment, "Sure. I'll just have to clean up… some things." Throughout the year, not once had Lovino touched a single one of Antonio's things. Bella let out a gleeful smile. "This is great! I can't wait to live with you, Lovi. It'd be like we're married!" They both laughed.

"Maybe one day we will," Lovino smiled.

…

"Well, I'll be going now!" Mathias waved with both his hands in the air. He beamed his usual grand smile, "Thanks for all the help! Especially you Berwald! Thank you so much, buddy!" Mathias sarcastically cried. Berwald let out a grumble, Tino waved a 'good-bye,' and Peter was rambling on and on about souvenirs. I just stood beside them all, too deep in thought to say a word.

I had a life before; I was sure of it now. I needed to get back. But I have to stay here. But I'll never know if I don't go find out. But where would I even start? Too many 'buts' filled my thoughts. It irritated me. Mathias triggered a part of my memories, but I wanted—no, needed— to know more.

Mathias stopped waving, and his attention focused on me, as I was probably wearing a frown, something unusual for me. The Oxenstiernas had gone back inside their mansion, leaving us—me and Mathias— by ourselves. Mathias strode over to me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Hey, buddy," Mathias gave me a reassuring smile, "the world's a big place. A lot is happening every day, but the most important thing is right now. Not the past or future. It's what you do now."

I'm sure my face contorted into a look of confusion, "But Mathias, I need to know who I was. And if there is a 'Lovino,' he's probably waiting for me. But there's also the Oxenstiernas. They need me. Peter needs me. I don't know what to do." My hand cupped my face. "I just don't know what to do!"

Mathias leaned in to hug me. "There are choices you have to make on your own." Mathias stepped back, "if you want to find Lovino, I think he's still living in xxxxx, if you need any more help, I'd find Alfred. Sorry I can't help you anymore, I can't make Luka wait for me forever." Mathias grinned and turned away from me and continued on walking.

I kept still, deep in thought, until the moon crept up. Only then did I finally sat down, exhausted from standing for hours, and sighed. What was I going to do?

I heard the creaking of a door and someone plopping down beside me. "Bea'tiful n'ght, hm?" It was Berwald. I didn't answer. "Y'u know, 'f I was c'ught up in th' past, I w'uld 'f n'ver met th' most wonderf'l pers'n in th' world." Berwald gazed up at the sky. "F'te br'ught me t' h'm." He looked back at me, "'nd f'ate will bring y'u to h'm too."

I stared blankly at him, "I don't know what you mean. Lovino's my past. Don't I have to let go of my past?"

"N'one said h' was y'ur p'st." Suddenly, something dawned on me. "W'll 'lways be h're, f'or y'u."

Berwald had already left, leaving me alone on the porch. I finally got up and walked inside, down the many halls and finally to a door with doodles and drawings on it; Peter's. I slowly opened the door to face Peter, sleeping peacefully upon his bed. I headed towards to Peter's desk, got out a pen and paper, and started to write.

Once I finished, I tucked the letter between Peter's hands and left the room.

It was nearly morning, the sun just begging to peak over the horizon and the bright blue ripping through the once night sky. I stood at the front of the Oxenstierna estate, waiting to say my final goodbyes. Tino and Berwald finally came. "You got everything you need?" Tino smiled. I nodded my head and gestured to the backpack I was carrying.

"I guess this is goodbye," I said. Tino began to tear up. Tino walked up to me and gave me a hug, tears just begging to fall. Berwald walked over too and wrapped both of us in a tight hug.

"Goodbye," I breathed.

…

Peter woke up. Sunlight hit his eye, and he groggily shielded them as he opened them and noticed the paper stuck in his hands. He curiously opened the paper and read the contents:

_Hey Peter,_

_I'm going to go away for a while, maybe even longer. I'm really sorry, but I'm sure you'll make lots of new friends!_

_- Antonio_

…

Lovino faced the door, hand on its knob, and prepared himself to open it.

Bella was going to move in in a week, so he cleaned the house. Now, it was time to get rid of Antonio's things.

He turned the knob of the door and entered Antonio's study. It was a small room, furnished with only a desk, some bookshelves, and a simple reading chair in the corner. Everything was covered in a thick layer of dust, as its owner had been missing for over a year.

Lovino moved over to Antonio's desk, his hands landing on a picture of the two of them; he had his usual frown on, and Antonio wore his smile. With no emotion, he placed the picture face-down.

He spent hours in Antonio's study. Every item he tried to tuck away in the box brought him back so many memories. From simple books on law and crime—Antonio loved to bring people to justice—to random notes Lovino had given him—that bastard kept every single one—Lovino smirked, picking up a grocery list he wrote years ago.

Though Lovino denied it, he truly did love Antonio. Every tiny thing he did, made Lovino's life just a bit better. Yet, why hadn't he told Antonio how much he loved him in return when he got the chance? All the 'I-love-you's and the tiny hugs and kisses he couldn't give. If he could meet Antonio one last time, he would tell him all the things he should have said.

The day stretched on until the room was bare with nothing left. Before Lovino left the room, he took one last glance. He could have gone back into the room, but instead, he slowly walked out with no hesitation.

Lovino finally got every single one of Antonio's things and tucked it away in the very back of his attic. His house now felt much emptier than it did before, but he knew that Bella would soon fill that emptiness in his home.

Night crept in through the sky, and Lovino made his way to get ready to sleep when a red box caught his attention. Lovino grabbed the box. _Did I forget about this?_ Lovino thought. Though his mind knew to throw the ring away with all of Antonio's other things, his heart made him open the box and slid the silver ring onto his finger. This would truly be the last night he had with 'Antonio.'

…

_"… And that bastard never answered a single one of my calls!" Lovino complained to Matthew. Matthew was cooking pancakes as Lovino sipped some wine._

_"I think you're having too much to drink Lovino," Matthew said as he flipped a pancake over._

_"I'm drinking too much, my ass! I haven't even finished all of the bottle yet!" Lovino then took the opportunity to down the entire bottle. Matthew sneaked a peak at Lovino, whose face was red and was babbling like a drunk._

_"I'm pretty sure you're drunk," Matthew teased. He finally finished the pancakes and sat two plates on the table. Lovino quickly took a bite out of it._

_"These are great—obviously not as great as pasta or tomatoes—but great! No wonder that 'kesese'ing bastard likes these thingies! Your pancakes can cure him of his goddamn awful taste buds!" Lovino went on imitating Gilbert as Matthew chuckled._

_"Did you always drink this much?" Matthew questioned playfully._

_"Of course I fucking did! But the bastard kept preventing me from doing so!" Matthew guessed that 'the bastard' was Antonio._

_"Oh, about Antonio, I heard from Gil that Antonio's being all secretive," informed Matthew. "Gil keeps going on and on, claiming that Antonio's hiding something." Gilbert thought that Antonio was cheating on Lovino, but Matthew didn't feel like telling that to a drunk—or even a sane—Lovino._

_"I'm pretty sure that Antonio's just busy, nothing at all to it."_

_"Too busy to care about me?" Lovino yelled. "What a bastard! Job that, job this, why can't he pay a little more attention to me?" But he does pay a lot of attention to you, Matthew thought, maybe it's the alcohol speaking._

_Matthew, deciding to have a little fun, teased Lovino, "Why don't you tell Antonio that?"_

_"Didn't I tell you? He won't answer a damn call I give him!" Oh yeah, Matthew remembered._

_"Why don't we call Gilbert and get him to pass the phone to Antonio, then?" Matthew suggested._

_The Canadian went over to his phone and dialed the number. Lovino was still slurring and laughing. Matthew waited as long beeps continued over and over until finally the sound of Gilbert's voice came through._

_"Gil-!"_

_"Hey! You have reached the awesomeness! I'm probably busy at the moment- or not!- but please leave a message after the beep! If this is Mattie, I love ya! Go on and tell me how much you love me too."_

_Beep!_

_Matthew hung the phone up. That was strange, Matthew thought, Gilbert always picked up his phone. Matthew cautiously put the phone back onto its stand and walked back to Lovino._

…

_It's been a long year,_ Matthew thought as he looked out his balcony and upon the many people who passed under. A year ago, on this very day, he got that awful letter. He'd never forget that day, the day he felt his world shatter.

A cool breeze blew through his hair. He closed his eyes; he could hear the memories of him and Gilbert, all the feelings he felt and shared with Gilbert burned inside him, everything that Gilbert did and said to him blew through him with the wind. _What is this? Is this—?_

"Gilbert?" Matthew questioned, looking up at the sky. The wind blew faster around him, sending golden leaves to trail along with it. Matthew smiled and looked towards the sky, where the leaves blew to, growing smaller and smaller as they went into the distance. Matthew sniffled, but his smile still held strong.

"Goodbye."


End file.
